..there's so much that goes into such a little
word.
I can think back to when my mother first explained what sex was.
I was never and oblivious child. As i talked about in my last post I
always was aware of sex..just not so much the feelings or the reasoning
for it. Now when she talked to me about it she never said the word sex.
Actually I don't think she liked that term. She told me (Sex)" is a connection
between two people that physically gives pleasure, but if done prematurely
and or without love can lead to consequences of the worst kind." Crazy
but my mom never altered her vocab for me, that's how we learned.
Anywho, I took it with a grain of salt. The values and morals my mother
instilled in me really did embedded a strong outlook on sex. And i promised
her that I would wait till marriage. I'm sorry mama.
I met the "boy of my dreams" one day. We would talk all day everyday.
He had a reputation around school as being a dog. Playing girls.
But when he was with me he was different. He was nice and sweet
and made me laugh like nobody else could. I thought I could change him or at
least help him prove everybody wrong with him having a strong commitment
with me. Of course I was wrong. But ill still never deny that our relationship
was good while it lasted. Mind you this is my second year of HS..so i was real
gullible. Christmas came and we got soooo close over the break, we were
talking from 9pm to 9am. It was precious and innocent. I was innocent. A
virgin pressed to keep my shit on lock till i got my 15k. Once school started
back up i was literally out with my bff talking about how I'm afraid that
since Christmas break is over we might loose momentum, when he called me..
He told me to come over because he had a present for me. the plan was
to give me head. That's it. He even told his best mans that he wasn't tryna
fuck just give me head. So i went over there like SHIIIIIIT i didn't shave!!!
(this is back when i was shaving..i wax now) So I'm thinking damn. Now
i wasn't thick or nothing just wasn't bald like i wanted to be. So I got to the
house refused to let him eat me..refused to give him head. Somehow though
I managed to break my promise to mama. I called my bestfriends after.
The wanted me to tell them what it was like and they couldn't believe me
Kayluuuhhhh allowed it to go down. Shit I couldn't either. But i wasn't
ashamed that was my boo. And i loved him or so I thought.
Long story short he stopped talking to me..it took me a long long long long
while to even let somebody touch my body. Till i met my ex..when we
did it for the first time is when my hymen broke. His sex was boring
now thinking back on it, but back then i though it was the shit. I
regret all of the 4 people Ive been with. People think I'm lying about
how many people I've been with and i don't. See to me 4 is tooo many.
I wont lie about it because lying to you is like lying to myself..and
I fuck with myself way to hard to do that. I regret them just because
how special would I have been had i waited, I encourage every girl
to hold onto it maaan its precious.
..Now I know somebody thinking damn you just gon put your buisness
out there like that. Yes. I'm very open. Some people aren't..your not me.
I'm a sexual person because it fascinates me how the body works. And
just cuz you got you little opinions about me because i talk about sex..
welp oh welp. Talking bout sex don't make you a hoe. Its the over
extension of the act itself. Ayeeee and that will be my next post..
"when is a hoe a hoe" lls..stay tuned.
