Who I Am...
I'm not really sure whats wrong with me. Or rather
what puts people off about me. I think I'm cool. I think
I have more good qualities then bad *shrugs* But then
again I'm a little biased. I can't.. nobody can really classify
my personality. I'm not outspoken..all the time. I'm not
quiet..all the time. I'm reserved not by choice.
As a child I was quiet. I had a lot to say but didn't even
think people would want to listen. I still kinda feel that
way. But as I grew up I started to have this "fuck it,
if they don't wanna listen they don't have to but ima
talk anyway, attitude." I really love being alone.
Just relaxing in my own company. I don't have
to entertain anybody else and they don't have to entertain
me. Just getting lost in my thoughts, relaxing in my space.
Maybe thats weird but I like it. I've been own my own for
awhile. Even the people closet in my life aren't trustworthy.
There are 2 people I trust completely. An one of them isn't
even living anymore. 2 people out of all the people I know.
Only 2 who I can say I trust. I think thats sad. But thats how
I feel. Because I'm so careful with myself and who I give
pieces of me and my personality to, I've kinda made myself
anti social. Ehh.. not fully anti social. I can hold a good ass
conversation with you. I can get along and click with almost
anybody. But getting close to you, wanting to spend time
with you and hanging with you. Nahh that doesn't come easy for
me unless I feel comfortable with you. And if I don't..If i feel
like you've ever judged me or thought ill of me, then I have a
hard time with opening up Kayla with you. I might tell you
my problems, but not how i feel. We can talk all day but I bet
you won't be able to figure me out. You won't know how I
think or work. Shit I learn new stuff about myself everyday,
what makes you think you know me. And you won't because
I believe who I am is too special to be pick apart by others.
I believe me feeling comfortable where I'm at is more important
to me then what you want from me. That may be selfish. I'm
not perfect. But I can't bring myself to compromise who I am
to satisfy others who can't accept me for who I am, and would
rather change me then accept me. I am who I am. I ask no one
to love me or like me. Sometimes I hate that I'm this way.
But I am. I offer subtly myself and over time you might start to
get me. But if you don't like that, if that doesn't work for you..
thats fine. No sweat off my back. Cuz at the end of the day...
I only trust 2 people.
