Love?

My boyfriend questioned my understanding of the term "I love you",
like I'm just tossing it around without fully knowing the meaning of the 
word Love. So instead of rambling on about it..i decided to share my 
opinion of what It means to love some one in the sense of being in love,
in a more constructive way. Which is dun ta da! Blog post # 92

Maybe because of the way I was brought up..i was never the type to
tell anybody I loved them unless it was genuine. My mom told me she 
loved me just about everyday. And she backed it up. She constantly 
put herself second for me. She was affectionate but just enough. 
I remember being around 7ish 8ish and my mom telling me
"Kay your getting older pumpkin and its time to stop kissing mommy
on the lips". Ughh i can feel that pain flooding back lol. I was heartbroken.
Like mommy, you don't want me to kiss you anymore? I don't think 
I said anything. But she probably noticed the look on my face and
said "You can kiss mommy on the cheek, i love you" and then
kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug. Because the last thing 
my mom wanted was for me to question her love for me because
she loved me as much as its humanly possible to love somebody. 
She formed my foundation when it comes to loving and knowing 
what real love was. Now I know your probably thinking what we all
are aware of. The difference between loving someone and being in
love with someone and then of course a mothers love is something 
totally different too right? But how do you think we learn to love.
You learn by being taught or by example. She was mine. I saw
how much she loved me and my siblings and even my father. As
much shit as they been through.. and as much shit that was going
on in her life she never lacked love toward anybody. 


Now to me, loving a man goes so far beyond being affectionate, listening, caring
being trustworthy and ect. Those are just things you do naturally when truly in love.
Now again people try to differentiate loving someone and being in love. Loving 
someone. I love my brother, id kill for him,. If I was to wake up and he wasnt here
id loose my mind. I can talk to him about anything. I love him. My boyfriend.
I'm in love with him. I also love him. In my opinion you have to have both in 
relationships. And that's what fucks people up. They'll Love someone but 
think their in love, and when they break up they'll say "I still love them but
I'm just not in love with them anymore". But nah, you were never in love
with them. Because to me you cant fall out of being in love with somebody. 
Once your in love its like a tattoo, its permanent. Even if one day you grow 
tired of it or start to not like it like you once did, It'll always be there. Maybe 
that's dumb but that's how I look at it. 

Now back to me. I think being in love with someone can be displayed in different
ways depending on the person. But to me I know I'm in love. I have never 
been as comfortable with a guy in my life..not someone who I could love on. I never
had a connection with somebody like this. But its comfortable. Nothing has 
been forced. My willingness to be open and share things that my only family doesnt
know about me. The desire to make sure he's healthy, happy and comfortable. 
Everything is effortless but the will to try our hardest to make it work is there.
I don't think anyone I ever been with has loved me as much as I loved them or vice
versa until now. I don't have to ask for anything. Everything I need I get. At the 
same time things aren't always perfect, but even when things go wrong were able 
to work them out and the problems don't change the ethics of our relationship.
And I see him as my future and he shares the same view. I feel that I'm in 
love, and i've been with enough fake attempts to know when its real or not.
To each it own but In my case its real.